“When we lose someone we love we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind.”
We are now into the 11th month of 2020 and the holidays will soon be here. It is time to think about those wonderful festive occasions and how you will spend them this year. As with every holiday season, preparation is everything. There is a lot to consider in keeping everyone safe during a continuing pandemic and honoring those who will not be with you this year, especially those you love who have just recently transitioned. It is vitally important after experiencing grief during COVID to include how you honor those you love in your holiday preparations.
There are four areas to consider when planning during this holiday season: celebrating the holidays, honoring your grief, taking the time to consider estate and end-of-life planning, and why it is the best time to think about all of this while celebrating life.
I return to celebrating life because ultimately that is what all who love you, those with you on earth and those who have transitioned, would want you to do.
Navigate to where you want to go:
Plan the First Holiday, Grieving and COVID
This will be a holiday like no other in any lifetime across all generations. The pandemic is more powerful than ever. People have lost family and friends, and not all from COVID-19. Scientists and health professionals have asked everyone to forego large family gatherings this year. How can you plan for Holiday 2020? What should you consider when planning?
Let’s begin with celebrating…
Celebrating Life – Memories
The holidays will come. No matter how you celebrate you will celebrate. This year in particular is more important than ever to plan and really think about how you can celebrate during this period.
No matter if it is you, you and one person or, you and a dozen, it is not about the number of people around you, but what you share with each other. What you will focus on that day.
Begin with what you would normally do during the holidays. You can still buy and wrap gifts, you can still have a wonderful meal, you can still listen to great music and you can still put a smile on your face and be thankful for what you have.
This is where you will begin, with your personal tradition. Now take that tradition and trim it down to just you and the people who live with you at home.
Last week I was invited to a Zoom party. This was a lot of fun. We were safe and everyone had a chance to connect. A friend of mine had a very successful Halloween party on Zoom. Again, everyone could connect, wear costumes, enjoy each other’s company and be safe.
Make a list of everyone you can connect with over the holidays either by Zoom, on a phone call, FaceTime or any other means of communication.
Include in your preparation a gift of something special you would like to share with them. Perhaps what you miss and appreciate about them, now that you know you may not be in person together. If you love singing, how can you sing together on the phone or on Zoom. Do you have stories you can tell together?
A tradition in my family was to watch the 1951 version of the film A Christmas Carol with Alister Sim. Notice I am very specific. It has to be the 1951 black and white film version. I will watch it again this year and will continue to enjoy it for evermore. I can now invite friends to watch it with me on Zoom. I can give it as a gift to my friends to watch and we can speak about it after. I can send an email to everyone to have a live watch party on FaceBook with me. In the end, I will find a way to enjoy this family tradition.
The key is nothing really has to change. We adjust, but we can still celebrate. The biggest gift we can give to everyone is to keep each and every person safe and healthy.
Grieving
The biggest part of our traditions is spending the season with those we love. For many of us, there may be one or several people whose chair will be empty this year. Perhaps there are several people you love who may not have been with you for several years. The first year is always the most difficult.
It is important that you consider how you will handle this particular day. It is important that you plan today, so you will be emotionally prepared tomorrow.
Last week I gave a few ideas for a mini memorial service, and on holidays having a mini memorial will make the memory special in that you will be honoring the person you love. You will be true and honest with your own emotions. You will be able to channel your grief into a positive and loving tribute. It may be easier for you to celebrate the day, to create a new memory, if you are prepared in advance.
Last week was a day that I would have usually spent with a very special person in my life. They are physically not with me any more, but they are spiritually with me. I continued our tradition by creating a new memory. I honored what we always did together. I kept them with me the entire day and did what we would have normally done together. Except on that day I also included my husband. It turned out to be a very special day, a wonderful experience, a celebration and a very beautiful new memory. Everything I know they would have wanted for me.
Plan this day. Think about what you would have done together and how you can continue, take them with you and create a new memory.
I will encourage you to plan your first holiday without the person you love now, because in the moment you may experience powerful emotions. Having planned how you will experience the day will help you channel those emotions into something more beautiful and less painful. It is by no means easy, but it will help.
Please share your special tradition in the comments below, and how you decided to experience it on the day of the holiday, how it made you feel. It will be a joy to hear about your new memory.
Estate Planning – End-of-Life Plan
The beauty of the end-of-year holidays is that it will bring you together with those you love. You will think about special moments that happened during the year and you will also reach out to people to wish them a happy holiday.
There is no better gift to leave your family, your friends and all those you love than a road map for how to handle your final wishes. As you know, grieving is very difficult, and how we prepare for our end-of-life will help all those who love us with the space and the comfort to grieve and celebrate you without the hardship of not knowing what to do for you.
It also gives you the comfort to know that however those moments come, you will be able to be with those you love, focusing on them, on your life, and not on what you did not do. It will give those you love the comfort to be with you and celebrate you.
The reason why the holidays are the perfect time to plan and think about your will is because it is the close of the year, because there is so much to celebrate, because love and celebrating those you love are where you are most placing your thoughts and your time.
Many people say the holidays are stressful, but not for everyone. The more you plan, the more prepared you are, and as with all planning the less stressful it will be.
When you are buying gifts, you buy a gift for a special loved one and you think “why is this person special to you”. You simply make a note of this and you recognize why you want to make sure you give them something special.
This will be a very special gift you will give to yourself and to everyone you love.
It may be called a last Will & Testament, but what you write will continue your legacy through your voice, your wishes and will not have anyone else guessing them for you. The most important gift about a Last Will & Testament is that it provides your family with a clear plan of what they may be able to do for you on your behalf.
If you do not have a will, it may create problems for your family, especially if you leave behind a large sum of money, or property. So when you think about creating a will, do it for those you love. They will be grieving and you will give them the comfort to knowing they will not have to deal with unforeseen legal issues because they will have clear guidance and protection provided by this legal document.
You should speak with an attorney to make sure the documents you sign are done properly.
All you will do right now is make notes. After the holidays you will meet with your attorney to finalize the document. Once it is done, each year you will review the document.
Look at your estate planning as a celebration of you, your life and your legacy.
Celebrating Life
You plan for the holidays, you plan for your end-of-life, you create a memorial for those you love, but each and every day you are still living your life. There is nothing more important than creating a special memory each and every day. Life is a precious gift. That gift includes your inheritance. Your inheritance is time and how you invest your time becomes your memories.
Each week I will share with you one thing you can do to create a special memory. It does not have to take up a lot of time, but it will be an investment that will last the rest of your life.
This is all about the holidays. You will be making your list and checking it twice and making sure you did not forget anyone. Look at your list very closely. Is there one person you forgot? Look again. I think you forgot a very special person. You forgot you.
You are the most important person in your life. Without you, there is no life. Without you, there is no one to celebrate everyone on your list. Without you, there is no family member who you touched. Without you, there is no wisdom you have given. If you haven’t seen the film “A Wonderful Life” with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed, watch it. It is a holiday classic. The message of the film is that you are a gift to all those around you and you will never know what you give. You know what people give to you, but you will never know what you have given to them. Celebrate you! Put yourself on the list and buy yourself something special.
In addition, each day write down one thing you can celebrate about yourself. You took care of a friend, or family member. You made a meal for your child. The more you acknowledge each day something special about you, the more you will have you to celebrate.
Planning is Celebrating
The longer the pandemic continues, the more important it is to make adjustments to stay safe. That does not mean what we love has to stop. It does mean that what we love we can cherish that much more.
Plan for the holidays to celebrate. Celebrate yourself, your family and your friends. Celebrate those you love by creating new memories and paying tribute to them. Plan for your end-of-life care so you will not miss a moment of your life during those special moments. Most importantly, begin each day with celebrating yourself throughout the year.
