“Happiness is not having what you want. It is appreciating what you have.” – Unknown
Today I have the pleasure of introducing a special guest, my friend and funeral director Christopher Tombline, Executive Manager of Gutterman Funeral Homes. We had a very in depth and unique conversation on my Celebrations of Life podcast. It is a conversation you will find insightful, engaging, and informative.
Christopher Tombline has been a NY State Licensed Funeral Director for over thirty years, primarily focusing on pre-arranged planning while also handling all aspects of funeral planning and directing for individuals and families.
Today our relationship with, and the conversation about, death is moving from a taboo subject of fear to a topic of open and positive discussion.
Reimagining and having a transition to a positive conversation is important for our mental and physical health because it is something we all experience. How you handle it today will give you greater comfort in how you handle it tomorrow. How you prepare for a positive-end-of-life-transition today will give you greater emotional support in how you handle the transition of those you love tomorrow.
Chris offers very important insights in how to handle your loss today and how to prepare tomorrow.
Life, COVID & why pre-planning is a gift to yourself & those you love
We think of the medical profession who is working tirelessly each and every day. We don’t often think of the funeral directors who assist and comfort the families.
Even though Christopher Tombline has been a funeral director for over thirty years, like the medical profession he has never experienced the sheer number of lost lives and individuals and families impacted by COVID-19.
Our interview touched on many things… families caught out, pre-planning, the strain on funeral homes and memorial services, and more…
Compassion
When you listen to Chris’ full interview you will hear more about his experience. I began to think about how many of us have lost someone dear to us and know at least one other person who contracted the virus.
We also likely know of many more who suffered unexpected loss, including those who lost their lives because of the strain the pandemic put on our healthcare system.
Compassion is the first word that comes to mind at this time. Compassion for yourself, your family, medical personal, all those you meet. For your internal peace, strive to give a silent personal wish of compassion to yourself and all those around you.
Many people are suffering, and many are just learning how to come to grips with their emotions. Oftentimes the emotion comes before the words, and oftentimes the emotion moves through a path of anger before it can find the words for peace. There is a lot of anger and fear, and it is hard sometimes to understand why someone would lash out for no reason and sometimes it is because of something tragic in their lives.
It may not excuse the behavior, but it can help in your response, to create your own emotional protection and not take their anger personally.
This is why I began to think that if there is something we can keep in our hearts this week, it should be compassion.
Preparation
Chris tells the story of how some of his clients, although they had plans for dealing with a loss, they were surprised they were incomplete. In addition, the unforeseen restrictions with the pandemic made these initial plans so much more challenging.
It is now more important than ever to review your plans.
Pre-planning
If you do not have any plan, or if you don’t know the wishes of your parents, your siblings and those you love, now is the time to have the conversation.
The strain on funeral homes
Individuals and families who are prepared, will have everything in place. Those who do not, may not have the options that were once available.
Funeral Directors are straining to care for the families that reach out to them at this time. The industry is doing their best. As medical personnel are dealing with running out of supplies, funeral homes are having some of the same problems.
Memorial services
A Funeral will focus on grieving and mourning. Memorial Services are a time to celebrate life. With more and more people not being able to have the funeral service they envisioned, a memorial service is now more important than ever, especially when you consider the emotional impact of loss and the transition needed from grieving to celebration of a person’s life.
First steps…
Have compassion for yourself and for those around you. When you are planning the holidays, plan for how you will handle those you love who might now be missing. The more prepared you are, the more it will assist you in channeling your emotions.
Christopher M. Tombline
Executive Manager of Gutterman Funeral Homes
ctombline@guttermansinc.com
https://guttermansinc.com/christopher-m-tombline
